Time Moves On

Saying good-bye to my Mom.

The past few weeks have been crazy and I’m trying my best to get my feet back under me. My Mom passed last Monday afternoon, she had fallen. She was 93 and in a care center for just over five years.

I’m hoping for a bit of calm to settle over me. At times it still seems crazy, but adjusted or accepting will come. Almost everything is cleaned out, shipped and notes written. Have to do the work first…exhausting.

It’s now about me and what is next? That shouldn’t be hard…but she’s been my constant concern for SO long. But, I’m working my plan and taking care of myself.

I am going with my slow and steady ways, please, purchase my quilt patterns and books and I’ll get back as soon as possible.
Love always, Beth Ann

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Happy Grandparents Day !

Grandpa at our house is the player, the fisherman and the go to guy. And I have no problem with it, I love him too !

Happy Grandparents Day !

Grandpa and grandson for a walk

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Celebrate Today

Celebrate every day

After last week, I had the thought of what really makes me happy on a daily bases, besides my STUFF…. Yes, Husband, the kids, friends, all make me happy. But, those little jewels that just appear that make you smile or content in your own life.

Good Morning from the beach in Florida — Endless Ways to Go Today

Walking in the morning and Husband almost always says, “We are at our Florida church.” The holiness of our bodies moving, the blue sky, the sounds of life starting from the birds to the cars of neighbors and the moments we thank God for another day.

Next my bed, I have a love for a good bed. It’s the sheets, mattress pad, pillows and quilt. Yes, a bit about stuff. Crawling into a clean bed, it’s a simple pleasure to me. The feel of a quilt between my fingers, the softness of it, the warmth and I don’t care how hot it is, I always start with one, it makes it home.

I have always remembered and celebrate days gone by, my calendar on my phone is full of what happened on what day in our lives. I have stepped this up a bit, as I see it, why shouldn’t every day be a wonderful day, and if not, why not a wonderful memory of that day. I hope I can focus my days in the wonder of time and if it has to be memories of the past, so be it.

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Three Drawers and a Closet

Three drawers and a closet

Think about it, IF you only could live with all your worldly possessions in three drawers and a closet. What would be the things you would take with you? Or the other question is. What would someone else take for you? Say a daughter or son?

Here is just ONE space I love, a bit of my life, my stuff. This is one small corner of my life. I love my stuff, nothing clean and modern about me.

Since, moving Mom into a skilled nursing home, it’s one of those things I think about all the time. The lack of the need to things, the idea of all my things not meaning anything to me anymore. For her, I did all the moving and cleaning out. I learned the things that were important to me for her to have, had NO meaning to her. That was hardest, the bed quilt, the lap quilt I made. No feelings just, “I don’t want that.” So, I re-made the bed with all their things, I moved quilts in/on and out, so a few photos, hanger clothes, socks, nightgowns/robes, personal hygiene things, some games, her crocheting and three books, went in the drawers and closet. She asked for something the other day I said, “It’s in the drawer Mom.” “Oh, the girls open them I’ve never looked in them.” Did you see my mind blow, since August 2017, you have NEVER opened a drawer.

It’s three drawers and a closet and it’s working. Now the conversation…..what do I want for myself?

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Getting Old Part Two and with ONLY a bit of Grace

Things here have been a little bit crazy and I’m hoping for a bit of calm to settle over us. At times it still seems crazy, but I’ve adjusted or accepting a bit better lately. Read Last Month Part One

I have heard a lot this past month or so about empathy, and you are under the opinion I have none. And, as I’ve politely tried to say and will say here in my own way, bullshit.

Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other being’s frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.

And really I do get it….but, I’m moving through survival mode. My way is, look and solve the problem, see what is needed and what HAS to be done. I can’t seem to find empathy at those moments, but isn’t that empathy too, getting it done?

Long ago, a Hospice worker said to us, “Nothing but the truth is to be spoken from this time forward.” I hear her saying that in the back of my mind so often. It’s also a pretty good way to live one’s life.

As we settle in, the work has not stopped. The daily needs of life still have to be taken care of. I have learned to ask for help, to understand it’s alright to take time for me and that life becomes all about potty and poop. And, or the cleaning up of it.

Lessons learned.

Ask the VERY hard questions, of yourself, of others, of services. EVERY thing you can think of, ask the questions.
I had to fire the first service we had started. It was about Mom and what was best for her, not them, HER. This is where I have no empathy, it’s the momma bear in me.
Everyone has an opinion and I do just what I think is best. I listen, I thank them, but we (Mom and I) talk it over and do what is needed.
Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feelings with the heart of another and I like to add, ONLY after all the work is done.

I’ve learned to cry often (a hot shower is designed for that), WE laugh often and I NEVER fight or argue with her. Why…life always comes down to potty and poop.

Please be kind…or don’t leave a comment

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Getting OLD is hard, BUT I’m Making a List – Part One

getting old with a bit of grace My Mom lives VERY close to me here, it had been the plan. She is moving into a new stage of aging and I don’t like what I see. And, OK before you all get all high and mighty, yes I love her, but I have to say a couple of things. So….please don’t email me all about HOW great it all was with your XVZ… Because, REALLY it’s NOT all sunshine and roses. Plus, that’s the reason you’ve not heard anything about her for YEARS. It’s NOW my turn.

And maybe it’s not Mom I’m thinking about, maybe it’s myself and HOW I want this to all go down when I’m her age.

Mom’s 88 years old and my Dad passed in 1997. So being alone in not new to her or helping her is not new to me. But it is VERY stressful. Mom has never been a glass half full person. I have gotten services started and with their help, a prayer and maybe a little luck I can get through this. Husband and I left the other day and he said rubbing my back, “I think your angel winds are just about ready to pop.”

But, can “I” do that, can I turn my life, my CONTROL over to another? I really don’t think I can, but I also know I will HAVE to. So, as with everything I’ve started a list. Nothing in the world can make me happier than a list. That…plus writing here, to the blank unseen. What I see her need or do, what I want different and why. Every little thing I see is written down.

MOVE to the kids: Husband keeps saying, “When we get older.” well, yes but how old? I’m going to need a support system not just the kids and grands. I need friends, church, a bit of a social life and how long do you wait to go start that process all over again?
ALWAYS tell the TRUTH: health issues suck, I know they suck, but if you have burning when you potty, UTI, tell me and we will get drugs to help you.
LAUGH, out loud and strong: Yes, it’s all serious, but we all know going into live, we are going to die in the long run. And baby….I want mine to be a party.

I’m going to let that be… for today I’m heading for a cup of coffee and hopefully a little nap, then the fun can start again. Bless us all, PLEASE only Kindness in comments.

Beth Ann

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I LOVE Comments, Please be KIND, I’m hard enough on myself